Changing Habits

Many of you know that I’ve been self-employed full-time for almost three years (and part-time for four years). During most of that time new business has come via word or mouth or by referrals. Looking back, business has been really good. As a result of (what I think is) the slow down in the economy, the amount of referrals has slowed.

I have recently realized that plenty of work is still available, but that my ability to seek and obtain new work is not as developed as I would like. I also feel like I’m not as effective with producing work as I should be. So I asked a friend (and brother) to help me improve my “sales” skills. During a number of hours on the phone my friend provided a framework to discover potential client needs (and goals), and to create an opportunity to help them then fill their needs (or reach their goals).

Part of this framework is based on the book “Seven Habits of Highly Effective People” by Stephen R. Covey. My friend (and brother) encouraged me to study this book and teach what I learn to someone else. I’ll be honest, I’ve read parts of the book in the past, but never “caught the vision,” or actually worked to implement the habits in my life. I also previously studied “First Things First” with Michele, but we became busy and didn’t complete it.

One of the basic principles the book teaches is that people can change (and improve) if they choose to. I’ve decided to make the choice to change (and improve). My recent experiences with running and gardening (as well as many past experiences) have helped me realize this is a true principle.

I’ve decided to outline some of what I’ve learned here on Roper5, more as an exercise in learning that anything else. I’m going to skip Part One, but if any of this peeks your curiosity, be sure to read through it yourself. It can really change your perspective of yourself. It more importantly maps out a framework for the book and the seven habits.

Be Proactive (principles of personal vision)

Current social paradigm: “we are determined”

Determinism
• Genetic “DNA”
• Psychic “childhood”
• Environmental

Determinism is based on the stimulus response theory (Pavlov)

Victor Frankl discovered the freedom or power to choose his response

Freedom to choose makes us as humans unique

  • Self-awareness
  • Imagination
  • Conscience
  • Independent will

Eleanor Roosevelt: No one can hurt you without your consent.
Gandhi: They cannot take away our self-respect if we do not give it to them.
It is not what happens, but our response that hurts us.

Reactive vs. proactive
“There is nothing I can do” vs. “Let’s look at alternatives”
“That’s the way I am” vs. “I can choose a different approach”
etc.
Reacting becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy

Verb: a word to describe an action.
Love the feeling vs. love the action

No concern -> circle of concern
Circle of concern -> circle of influence

Focusing on your circle of influence leads to enlarging your circle of influence

Circle of concern has control of us
circle of influence is where we have control

Direct (our behavior), indirect (other’s behavior), and no control (nothing we can do)
Direct control problems are solved by habits 1, 2 and 3
Indirect problems are solved by habits 4, 5 and 6
No control, we learn to accept the things we can’t change

One way to determine which circle the problem is in is to distinguish between have’s and the be’s.

Circle of concern:
I’ll be happy when…
If only I had…
If I had…
If I could just…

Circle of influence:
Be patient
Be loving
Be wise
Be different (this remind me of “Apple’s Think Different campaign)
All of these “be’s” also remind me of President Hinckley’s “Be’s”

Joseph, who was sold into slavery in Egypt
Didn’t blame others, example of being response-able

Circle of concern… consquences and mistakes
Acknowledge mistakes and learn from them
Immediately correct mistakes
We can’t choose the consequences of our mistakes

Self-awareness and conscience
Act with imagination and independent will

Make a promise and keep it
Set a goal and achieve it

Work only in circle of influence
Make comittments
Be
Don’t argue for weakness in yourself and others
Admit mistakes
Be compassionate no accusing

  • 1. full day

Listen to my language and the language of those around me
How often do I hear “If only,” “I can’t,” and “I have to”

2. Identity an experience you might encounter in the near future where you could react
Review it in the context of your circle of influence
How could I respond proactively
Remember stimulus GAP response
Make a commitment exercise freedom to choose

3. Select a problem from work or personal life that’s frustrating
Determine if it is a direct, indirect or no control problem
Identify first step I can take in my circle of influence to solve it and take that step

4. Try 30 day test
Be aware of the change in circle of influence

While studying this chapter a second time, I made a discovery. Most of the suffering I have experienced (or suffering that my actions caused others to experience) is a direct result of my own unwillingness in the past to immediately correct mistakes.

Anyway, tell us what you think?

05/05/2008 | hugh |

Comment

  1. Thanks for sharing

    http://roper5.com/images/79.jpg

    Blaire
    May 5, 07:44 PM

  2. Great…You’ve got the complexity down. Now simplfy it.

    http://roper5.com/images/79.jpg

    Doug
    May 6, 02:43 PM

  3. One of the keys to success is to maintian even old networks – you never know when someone from your past might hold a key to your future. Let’s talk!

    http://roper5.com/images/79.jpg

    Dennis Molyneaux
    Jun 9, 03:51 PM

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